Small World, Big Fun

Well...we did it. We took our son to Disneyland. We survived the "happiest place on earth," which featured more unbridled screaming than the uninitiated might expect.

We got an early start, even going so far as to wake up Oliver before his normally scheduled wake-up time, which was brave of us. We were on the road before 7, and pulled into the Mickey and Friends parking structure at around 8:30. It was going to be a long day. But Erin and I had each popped a half dozen Xanax, and we had brought our flasks of tequila, so at least we were prepared.

The adventure got off to a fantastic start when our easy-to-please offspring was immediately excited about the interior of the tram terminal. I don't exactly recall the source of his enthusiasm, but dollars to donuts it had to do with him spotting a ball somewhere.

Save your pointing for the park, kid

We got through the front gates, and of course it was time for another photo op.

We headed down Main Street after passing through the tunnel (well, after a bathroom pit stop, but I don't really need to tell you everything), then met Minnie. She was a little big and intimidating in real life, so we didn't like her much. She didn't even get a high five. So we hung a left and started making our way through Adventureland. Our first stop was the Tiki Room, which is great for children three and under, and basically torture for everyone else. Except for anyone with a child three and under. His eyes were the size of quarters for twenty minutes. He would point silently every time a bird or flower or floor tile would open its mouth and start singing. It was a hit, but he's probably going to want a parrot now.

We left the Tiki Room, stopping for a Dole Whip (obvs), and there was legit no line, which, as anyone who has ever stopped for a Dole Whip can well understand, was the greatest thing that has ever happened in my life. Our first ride was arguably the park's most iconic - Pirates of the Caribbean. Like his father, he did not appreciate getting wet, but the rest of it he loved. His favorite parts, predictably, were the meow-meow and the woof-woof.

We then got a fast pass for the Haunted Mansion, because like hell we were going to stand in line holding that whirling dervish for 35 minutes. Oliver lost one of his shoes, then we hopped on the railroad at the New Orleans Square station. We got off in Toontown, and then did the Small World ride, which was the best ride we went on all day. Yeah, yeah. I know. But keep in mind that it was 90+ degrees, and that ride is 15 minutes, and has great AC. Plus, there was nothing dark or scary, so it was 15 minutes of pure enjoyment for all of us.

Then it was time to hit some of the Fantasyland rides. First we let him do single rider on the Matterhorn (I'm kidding, mom), then we did Alice in Wonderland (he didn't love the dark parts), the carousel (a lot of point-worthy things on this one), and Pinocchio (again, too many dark parts). He tried removing the sword from the stone, but the day before had been arms and chest day, and he was still feeling sore.

Not the chosen one, as it turns out

We did lunch at the Plaza Inn, where we paid an exorbitant amount of money for the meal/parade package, which would (in theory) guarantee us great seats for the Electrical Parade later that night. (As you'll later learn, it's a scam. Don't do it.) Oliver was out for the count at this point though, so he didn't get to partake of our lunch, or our brightly colored cheesecake.

We decided to take advantage of his nap to check out the new Galaxy's Edge, which he wouldn't have been able to appreciate anyway. While I was on babysitting duty, Erin went on Smuggler's Run, and loved it, but I'm not big on pushing buttons with a roomful of randos, so I passed. We came out of Galaxy's Edge near the Haunted Mansion, just in time to make our fast pass window. This ride got roughly the same review as several others: fun and interesting at times, but too many dark parts. Also, at one point, there was a ball.

We got Oliver a little lunch, then got on the train to get us back over to Toontown, so he could break into Mickey's house and root through his personal belongings. This was one of his favorite parts of the day, mostly because he got to get out of his stroller and run around. And watch giant carrots get sucked into the ground.

We weren't in the mood to wait around to meet Mickey though, so we went back outside and explored more of Toontown. He had his first positive character interaction when we had the opportunity to meet Donald, who was just more his speed. Unlike Minnie, Donald did get a high five. It's possible my son is a sexist.

After a meltdown in the middle of Toontown, and after finally getting Oliver back in his stroller using a combination of Kevlar rope and horse tranquilizer, we exited to Fantasyland and went on the Small World ride again. It was even better the second time. Ah, that AC. Strong recommend.

Back in the heat, we got on the Monorail (don't forget that we have this damn stroller everywhere we go, btw), which took us to Downtown Disney, where we partook of some holiday sandwiches at Earl of Sandwich, and there was much throwing of bread, cheese, and sippy cup. There wasn't much time for us to do anything after dinner other than make our way back over to Main Street for the Electrical Parade, where we set up camp on a damn curb, like animals. Parade package, my butt.

The parade went over spectacularly though, especially considering how little sleep Oliver had gotten over the course of the last 14 hours, and that it was already past his normal bedtime. The barrage of colorful lights more than made up for the day's many dark parts, and he was riding an absolute pointing high. An excellent way to wrap up a largely successful first trip to the House of Mouse.

Next time we'll probably get a sitter though.