I once started a blog called The-One-Blog-A-Year Blog (this is true), because I wanted to set a low bar for myself. I've written one new post in the last nine years. Granted, that blog really isn't about anything, but still. Not stellar.
So...why am I starting this one? Well, because there's about to be a very big change in my life, and I'd like to document it, so that one day I can go back, read all my posts, and see how badly I fucked up.
My wife, Erin, is nine months pregnant. With a baby, presumably. Any day now, I'm going to meet him. I'm actually kind of glad his brain functionality will be limited, because I traditionally make a terrible first impression.
This is what he looks like so far:
So yeah, a little too early yet to use any age-progression software, but fingers crossed he's a looker. I'm sure I'll love him no matter what, but I do not want to be one of those dads everyone feels they have to lie to about his son's physical appearance. I'm hoping he won't be an uggo, but if he is, let's just be real about it. I have no doubt he'll make up for his short straw in the looks department with his sparkling personality.
As is the case for most new fathers, I'm sure, this whole thing hasn't hit me yet. Erin and I made a human. A human. Up until now, the coolest thing I've ever made was a three-dimensional poker table cake. (The chips were Smartees.) Obviously, the "making" was the fun and easy part. It's the building phase that's lately been giving me agita.
How do I do this?
How do I make sure it grows up to be a smart, sensitive and compassionate person, unlike the vast majority of persons?
What if it doesn't find me funny?
What do I do if it throws up on me? Will that stuff come out with regular detergent?
Am I going to feel bitterness toward it because of the lack of sleep and personal freedom? Or will my love for it outmatch my nagging resentment?
Is it going to be negatively affected by the fact that its father keeps referring to him as "it"?
So many questions, and no way to obtain any answers other than to simply dive into this thing and see what happens. After all, I see people every day who have opted to have one or more of these baby contraptions, and they (generally) seem quite pleased by their situation. They don't even seem to mind that they no longer host game nights or go to movies or have sex or go a day without touching poo. So maybe I won't either.
Erin has been amazing throughout this entire ordeal, and I want to be just as amazing for both her and my son. I'm talented in a number of areas, but when it comes to this parenting business, I am completely untested. I think I'll be okay, but I really don't know. I could be a total disaster at this. I mean...I'm honestly worried I won't like him as much as the cats. He's got some big paws to fill.
But okay. I've decided to keep this blog, and to update it as often as I'm able - hopefully more than once every nine years. My memory is already going, so I'd like to be able to have a written record of all the cute, quirky, and stupid things my child does over the years.
The next time I post, he'll be here. If he's not too unattractive, I'll upload a pic.
